So Close, Yet So Far
by thatguywhowrote
Summary: After Kyousuke and Kirino broke up they decided to be normal siblings again, but after a certain slip-up they both re-confirm their true emotions. [one-shot; story takes place after the LN/Anime]


_A/N: Hello, and welcome to my first story. Well, first to publish since I had written another one but am not yet satisfied on how it turned out, so I am currently revisiting and re-writing that until I find it good enough for your eyes. For now this is all I can give, enjoy._

 _Edit: Fixed some typos, grammar, formatting..._

* * *

It had been two years since that fateful encounter, two years full of life-changing events that marked the greatest turn of his once pitiful existence.

Words were said, tears were shed. Actions taken, hearts broken.

And yet not a single thought of regret ever crossed his mind. At first he figured he was doing all these for her sake, to be an older brother to the younger sister, to make amends for his neglected duties of the past. But sooner he realized that this was not the case, that this was what he had really wanted for himself as well.

Yes, he loved Kirino, and those were his true feelings.

But their status as lovers was rather short-lived, lasting only a few months before they agreed to sever the ties of their forbidden relationship and go back to being normal siblings. Fleeting as it was, those days would forever be etched into his memories, a living testament that he had once found his happiness in this world, and had cherished it for the time being while he still had the chance.

Kyousuke looked at his sister whom had been texting with a friend via her phone. She lied on her tummy on the sofa, her feet alternately swinging back and forth leisurely in the air. He had just announced his customary greeting upon returning home that yielded no response, though he was already used to his sister not acknowledging his arrival. It had been a long, hot day looking for work, deciding he should spend his time earning money on a job while he was still unsure on what to pursue in college. He moved past her and straight towards the fridge, pouring himself a glass of his beloved barley tea. With a few gulps he downed the cool drink, sighing contentedly at the relief it brought to his parched throat.

It was around 4:00PM, Kyousuke was worn out for the meantime and felt like taking a nap. However, his exit was rudely interrupted by an abrupt call from a certain someone.

"Hey." He was half-way through the living room door when he heard her voice, turning lazily he saw Kirino already sat up straight on the sofa. She glared at him, but somehow he did not sense any hostility from her eyes, in fact they nearly seemed more to be full of worry.

"Yeah?" He replied nonchalantly. Kirino fidgeted her hands, her facial features shifting to one of nervousness. She then looked away somewhere to her left, muttering inaudible words under her breath. "What?"

"I-I'm asking you! W-where have you been..." There was a small pause, Kyousuke's eyes widened as her words sank in before she carried on. "I didn't see you all day... n-not that I was worried or anything! Don't you dare get the wrong idea!" She ended her sentence with a huff, crossing her arms as a blush spread across her face.

 _'She's asking where I've been?'_ He was dumbfounded with her unexpected question. _'Who are you and what have you done with my sister?'_

"I went out looking for a job." He answered, trying to shrug off the idea that his sister had been replaced by some alien due to her strange behavior. "I'm not yet sure on what I'll go for in college, and I don't want to pass time idly either, plus having a little extra cash ain't so bad."

"Really now," Kirino's mood quickly changed, sounding rather pleased with his responsible reply. "Glad to see the old _aniki_ coming back. About time you stopped being a lazy ass living off our parents."

He flinched at how the painful words on the last part rolled off her tongue so casually. _'Oh come on! That was totally unnecessary!'_ But that thought was driven away immediately when he saw the smile beaming from her face.

"Well, I do have to earn money myself. I'm gonna need it once I start studying, I don't want to crawl back to Dad to ask for help on paying rent so-" He was cut off as he realized what he had just said, holding his breath as he stopped speaking. Kirino looked clearly surprised at what she found out.

"Rent?" She repeated as her smile slowly faded, making sure she didn't mishear what Kyousuke had said earlier. "You mean you're... moving out again?"

The way she asked almost made him cringe with how disappointed her voice sounded, he knew Kirino would disapprove and had carelessly spilled the beans. He forced a smile at her as he approached, stretching out one hand to pat her on the head. "Don't tell me you'd miss your brother? No worries, I promise to visit often, maybe on the weekends." He had ample time to rustle Kirino's hair into a slight mess, eliciting a content purr before his hand was moved away gently.

Their relationship as siblings had truly improved; normally Kirino would smack his hand away, strike him a death glare, or spout bad things about him being a pervert whenever he got too comfortable around her. But now she was loosening up to him, even to the point of idly chatting with him (given that their parents weren't around to avoid raising suspicions, she has yet to test the waters in their presence). There were still moments when she acted like a brat, but compared to before they were less often and more tolerable.

"Fine." She crossed her arms once more, pouting in a way that made Kyousuke's face heat up. He couldn't help it, his sister was just too damn cute. "You better keep your promise, or else."

"Yeah, yeah." He replied nonchalantly, simply ignoring her threatening comment. Kirino, finding it useless to argue with him any longer, took his word for it which earned him the ticket to retreat back to his room. He changed out of his sweaty clothes, slipping on a plain white shirt with green sleeves and a pair of shorts, finding it a relief after a long day under the sun. He went to lie down on his bed, staring at the ceiling as his mind went through what happened today while waiting for his weariness to lull him to sleep.

 _'Nothing much interesting,'_ he told himself. All he did was visit the addresses he found on job ads online, inquiring inside and getting through a few exams and interviews. _'Well, there were a few pretty applicants, and the interviewer at that modelling agency was kinda hot...'_ He smirked at the thought, remembering how the woman had long, black hair that seemed silky soft to the touch, looking beautiful wearing her formal office attire of white inner blouse covered with a coat, paired with her pencil cut skirt that ended a bit above the knees, and the way she kept eye contact with him as he was being interviewed with those small glasses on her face... Kyousuke shook the image off his head as he felt himself getting a tad "excited." God, he hated to admit it but he was such a pervert sometimes.

 _'Other than that, there was really nothing else to take note of_.' Interviews and exams were mostly the same sets of questions, differing only in a few points for proper assessment to match the job description. He had hardly kept a conversation with the other applicants as he was too nervous at the time. This was his first attempt on actually applying for work after all, and no real breakthroughs to report so far.

He was on the verge of falling asleep as his mind drifted away from deep thoughts to the tranquility of his room, until a certain event replayed in his head...

 _'I didn't see you all day...'_

His eyes shot open as the words were shouted with her voice in his memory. He could feel his heart race a little as the image of her face from their last conversation flashed before his eyes, turning his cheeks into a light shade of red.

 _'You mean you're... moving out again?'_

The way her lips formed a frown, eyes half-lidded while her head looked down like she had been defeated, Kyousuke felt a pang in his chest. He sighed heavily, knowing the reason behind her pained expression at that time. He hadn't told Kirino that he had plans of moving out to start being independent, he wanted to keep it a secret up until the day before he was to live on his own. It wasn't because he wanted to get back at her for going to America without telling him about it, but rather because of how he would feel if he ever saw her reaction once she found out.

Before, he was kicked out of the house by their parents once, Kirino simply told him he didn't have to bother coming back. They even made a bet that he would be her lifetime slave if he didn't ace his mock exams, or he would get a one-time wish from her if he succeeded. But then she bought him that mini-fridge to help make his temporary isolation a lot more comfortable. She got mad at the other girls for hindering his studies when they wanted to keep him for themselves. She even managed to convince Ayase to help him with the household chores so he could have more time to review. It might not make sense to others the way her actions contradicted her words, but Kyousuke knew well why.

Deep down, despite how her actions contradicted her feelings, she truly couldn't bear to be separated from him.

She was always very attached to him in their younger days, he was her idol on everything after all. She would always follow him wherever he'd go, never wanting to miss a chance to spend time with her amazing _aniki._ It was like she couldn't live without him, drawing energy from him like some sort of battery.

And then when he found out about her _eroge-_ loving side after years of their cold war, he again felt the same vibe from her. She came to him for "Life Counseling" sessions regarding her hobby even when he knew how she looked down on him. She made him play her little sister games to have someone to share it with and let him experience the joy it brought to her. She always relied on him to help her whenever things got rough, hiding her dependence on him by acting violent and criticizing him. Yet he kept up with it, going so far as to sacrifice his own well-being time and time again for her sake. He would always tell her to leave it up to him, because he knew Kirino needed him. He had to be there for her now, after leaving her behind for so long she truly deserved at least this as a means for compensation on what had been long due.

That was why he kept it from her, he couldn't stand to do something he knew would hurt her when he still had the chance to back out of it.

So here he was now, lying on his side staring at the wall that separated his room from Kirino's, one hand flat on the surface like he was reaching out to his sister. His eyes stared blankly at the space in front of him, his vision focusing and blurring, body remaining still as time passed by.

"We're home!" He heard their mother speak up from downstairs and broke him from his trance. He glanced at his clock and realized he had stayed up until around dinner time.

 _'Shit.'_

He stood up and reached for the string to his room's light, giving it a yank before the bright flash blinded him as his eyes adjusted from the previous darkness of his room. Spending a few minutes to fix himself, he made his way down to the living room to greet his parents' arrival.

"Welcome home, Mom, Dad." He spoke, his father sitting on his spot on the dining table with his eyes fixed at the news showing on the television. He gave Kyousuke a grunt as an acknowledgement for his greeting. His mother on the other hand, was the opposite in terms of word count.

"Hi Kyousuke, how's the job hunt?" She asked as she took out the food she had bought for their dinner and as you would have guessed it, it was curry. He frowned at the sight, worthy of a facepalm if not for his state of disbelief. ' _Seriously? She's not contented in just making the stuff, she even had to buy it?'_

"Any good news, like when you'll start earning money so you can move out?" She chuckled at his reaction, clearly annoyed at her implication even if it was a joke. Kirino, who was sitting quietly on her chair watching TV as well, seemed to tense up at her words. She didn't appear all too comfortable with she just heard, even if it was only half-meant (or at least, Kyousuke believed it to be).

"Very funny Mom," he responded sarcastically, helping her with preparing the table by setting the plates down for each member of the family. As he laid a plate in front of Kirino he gave her warm smile, trying to clear her mind of it and brighten up her mood. Instead all he got was a pleading stare from her cerulean eyes, only for a moment as she turned her gaze back to the program. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, not from the eye contact but from the sick feeling that welled up in his gut.

The look on her face appeared like she was hurting, and he knew it could be none other than what they had talked about earlier. Kyousuke felt the weight of guilt consuming him, feeling a bit light-headed as his brain became overloaded with warning signals from his "distressed _imouto_ sensor." This was bad news, but as much as he wanted to fix it now, it was better dealt with later when their parents weren't around. All he had to do was talk to her and see if they can settle down with some sort of compromise or if he had to fully give up the idea of living on his own.

To base his decisions for personal matters on the feelings of his little sister... he was no doubt a bigger siscon than Akagi now. Something he was confused on whether he should be proud or ashamed of. He also noticed how he put Kirino's opinions before his own, had he really adopted the same sense of dependency on her that she had on him?

"Have you found a place yet?" Daisuke asked, pulling Kyousuke away from his train of thoughts and back to reality. He spoke without moving his eyes away from his food, his voice husky and intimidating so it never failed to catch his attention. "The room you rented before is already being occupied, but I do know a few others although they are a little far from here."

Kirino's arm went stiff, her hand holding the chopsticks stopping in place mid-air while lightly trembling. Kyousuke noticed her reaction, watching as the chicken meat she held finally succumbed to gravity and fell back on her plate. She then came back to her senses with a slight jerk of her head up, to which she took a glance at her brother. Seeing his gaze fixed on her, she immediately looked away, no sooner standing up with her plate in hand.

"T-thank you for the meal." The sound of water splashing from the sink followed, her footsteps pattered throughout the quiet house, weakly echoing as she went upstairs and ending at the sound of her door shutting. The three people still eating did nothing but watch her in silence throughout her leave, and when Kyousuke faced his parents back he gulped to see both of them staring at him with inquisitive looks.

"Kyousuke, what did you do now?" Yoshino sighed before breaking the ice with a tone of accusation. Her eyes squinted as if any response he gave would meet nothing but disbelief from her end.

"What? Y-you can't be serious! Like hell I'd know what's up with her." He lied, barely able to hide the shaking of his voice. "What are you even blaming me for anyway? She didn't do anything wrong, did she?"

"She was clearly upset." His dad spoke, arms crossed as he glared at him. "I don't know for sure what it was about, but she has once never been like this until you two began talking to each other again. Are you sure you didn't offend her by showing her your... pornographic games?"

 _'H-he still believes that crap?!'_

"Of course not! Why would I do something embarrassing like that!?" His father didn't seem to be convinced one bit, but said nothing else in return. Kyousuke sank into his seat in disappointment, either due to the fact that he had been branded a pervert even by his own parents, or that it was his own fault that had caused them to see him this way. But he couldn't give any defensive retort, as his ulterior motive for said actions was to protect Kirino's collection, a vow he made that sometimes he couldn't help but regret ever making.

"We both know she wouldn't speak to us about her problems," said his mom to which his dad grunted in approval. "You're the only person she can rely on between the three of us, as hard as it is to believe. You know she can be very stubborn, so be very gentle with her okay?" She said the last part with a wink, causing Kyousuke to blush at what could possibly be running in her mind. She was smart, and like their dad she can catch up on even the most subtle of things.

"Fine, fine." He got up, seizing the opportunity to free himself from the awkward air he was getting from them. "I'll go check on her and make sure she's alright." At least this way he could finally set things straight with her as soon as possible.

"Good boy! Now don't go doing something stupid or you're sleeping outside." His mom reminded him in a mocking tone. Excusing himself, he made his way up the stairs and in front of Kirino's door. He raised his hand to knock, but stopped as he contemplated on the right words to say. As he well knew, she was at times like a bomb, tripping on a wrong wire will cause her to explode and deal a great amount of damage (physically) on those unfortunate enough to invoke her wrath. Spending a few minutes to think things over, he let out a sigh as he gave a few light knocks on her door.

"Kirino, it's me." He waited, but received no response. "If something's troubling you, we can talk about it." He gave her door a few more knocks but all were still in vain. Seeing his efforts of reaching out to her were becoming futile, he decided to risk his life by grabbing the doorknob and turning it.

"Locked," he cursed as he let go and leaned his forehead on the door with a thud, his mind searching for any way to get her to comply. Tried as he might, he was stumped on any attempt at getting her door open, even as far as bribing her with him buying her an _eroge_ if she let him in. But all was for naught and, accepting defeat, he left her some parting words to let him know if she wants to talk to him before turning around and heading for his room. Opening the door, he was surprised to see the lights out, when he clearly remembered he left it on before he went down earlier. Making his way inside, he reached around for the light's string and gave it a yank.

 _Click._

As the light enveloped the place, Kyousuke jumped back in surprise with a soft yet girly shriek at the figure on one of the corners of the room. He had hardly noticed the person with strawberry blonde hair sitting at the right side of the door, if one were to face it from the inside. She sat in a fetal position, hugging her knees as she buried her face on something oddly familiar...

"Oi Kirino, is that my shirt?" He approached her once his heart had finally started beating in a normal pace again. Crouching down to the floor he could hear soft sobs escape her, genuinely concerning him that if their parents were to catch them now he knew he'd be dead. "Hey, are you alright? I know it sounds stupid but please stop crying or else Dad will kill me."

"I-I'm not crying..." her words in-between hiccups muffled by the fabric of his shirt. He gave the clothing a tug telling Kirino that he was trying to retrieve it but to no avail. He instead sat down in front of her, realizing her shoulders were trembling as she stifled her sobs to quiet them down.

"Wanna talk about it then?" He tried to strike up a conversation, only to be shunned by her silence. Her stubbornness was clearly testing his patience, but like her mother said, he had to be gentle on handling her if he ever wanted her to open up to him.

...his perverted mind never failed to amaze him on how those words could be taken as a sexual innuendo.

"Okay look, I'm sorry okay? Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it's my fault, so please..." He patted her head again, knowing how much she enjoyed it. "If you don't feel like talking about it then at least calm down."

"Calm down?" She lifted her head up and revealed her eyes blood-shot from crying. "Calm down?!" Her voice cracked as she tried to speak louder. He smacked his hand away and looked into his eyes, her tears falling down her cheeks and into his shirt that she clutched in her hands. "Y-you're leaving, and y-you didn't even b-b-bother telling m-me! I bet y-you never even planned on l-letting me know!" The words came out shaking as she pulled on the shirt, the sound of fabric lightly ripping at her furious grip.

"Look, I'm sorry! I didn't know how to break it to you properly, I knew you'd be mad if I to-"

"And yet you still decided to leave, even if you knew exactly how I'd feel?!" Kyousuke couldn't believe how she was being ridiculously honest with herself today. The fact that she was pushing her selfishness to have him stay didn't bother him, he was too taken aback by his sister's change in personality. "We were going to be normal siblings again... You promised me! How can we do that if were apart? How will you pay me back for all those times you weren't there for me?" She lunged towards him, pinning him down as she straddled on top of him. Her hands no longer held onto his discarded shirt, instead they had formed fists pounding weakly at him as she buried her face in his chest.

She stopped after a while, her tantrum finally taking its toll in the form of exhaustion. She laid still on top of him, her hands now focused on grabbing the shirt he was now wearing. He had tried to pry them off, but he only made them hold on tighter, as if he would disappear if she were to let go. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Kyousuke had to push her off since his legs were beginning to grow numb from her weight cutting off the blood supply.

"So," he began, massaging his thighs to get the blood flowing again, "if I said I wouldn't leave anymore, would that calm you down?" She turned away pouting, face blushing madly as the weakness she had shown to him slowly came into her realization.

"Do what you want." She muttered feebly, pride preventing her from providing a straight yes-or-no answer. She didn't have to explain though, he already knew what she meant. He smiled at her in silent understanding, making her shift uncomfortably and blush even harder. "W-what are you all smug about? Siscon! Pervert!"

"Says the one who cried since her _Onii-chan_ was- ack!" His response was cut short by a kick to the gut, he writhed in pain as he clenched his stomach gasping for air.

"You idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!" She stood up and was about to stomp on him when he pleaded for mercy.

"I-is that any way to treat your loving brother! Such injustice!" He cried, inching away from her like a worm as he failed to get up to his feet.

"Hmph. You disgusting maggot, go crawl in a hole and die already." She moved back and crossed her arms, frowning while her eyebrows furrowed. The sting of her words were nothing compared to the bruise starting to form on his belly, but he was at least glad about one thing.

 _'She's finally back to normal.'_

After Kirino left and having the room back all to himself, Kyousuke plopped down on his bed, groaning as he felt the pain in his tummy throb at the impact. Looking at the floor, he saw the shirt he found in her hands, but now with a small rip in the middle. Convincing himself it was a small price to pay for keeping his plans hidden from Kirino, he was more than glad he didn't suffer any more damage.

Growing ever weary he mustered all of his remaining strength to reach for the lights once more and gave it a few pulls to turn it off. This time he was intent on actually sleeping, chasing away any more thoughts in his head that could keep him awake. It didn't take long before he felt the drowsiness return, marked by a yawn that brought tears to his eyes. Closing them, he submitted himself to some much needed rest, fulfilling what he had been yearning for since he came home. Everything was peaceful at last...

.

.

.

.

.

...then again, he should have known his sister better.

 _SLAP!_

The sharp sound of the hit followed by the stinging pain on his cheek brought him back to reality, groaning at how rude the attempt was to wake him up. His eyes were half-way open when he felt a hand cover them.

"Wha... happe-"

"Shh." Kirino hushed him, proceeding to run her hand through his hair to calm him down as she felt instant regret on trying to get him up. "Don't bother waking fully and just... listen to me."

"Ki... rino...?" His slurred speech gave her the boost in confidence she needed for this time. Straddling him in his bed in the usual manner, she leaned down towards his ear and whispered.

"Thank you for everything you've done... _aniki._ "

The darkness of his room was only illuminated by the few rays of moonlight filtering through the small gaps of the curtains, but her face was crimson enough to make out even in the lack of light. She felt her ears burning up as she continued.

"I know I can be hard to deal with... and I know I hurt you a lot... so I'm sorry." She nearly choked on the words as if she was speaking in an unfamiliar language, clenching her hands as if to gain some sort of footing. "I'm really, really sorry for being selfish... I hope you understand, I just..." she paused, eyes darting around in search for the right words at the back of her mind. She had been memorizing her script for this over and over again ever since she left his room, but she still found herself struggling to remember them at the moment.

"What are you..." Kyousuke mumbled once more in the same, half-awake fashion, making Kirino's nervousness leave her chest in the form of a soft chuckle. She drew her head back and watched him fail at opening his eyes being heavily lidded with sleepiness.

"I just want you to know that you're very important to me." She ran her hand once more through his hair, his breath hitched at the contact. "I find it hard to be honest, but I know you can read through my facade. I know you're aware of how I feel for you." She watched him relax at the touch of her hand on his head, a sinking feeling in her chest as she carried on. "We both know we want to... but we made a promise, right? That is... for the better anyway."

A drop then fell on his shirt, leaving a dark spot on the white fabric. Then another, and another, until the spot expanded further as more of the liquid stained the material. Kirino's cheeks were marked with streams that glittered under the faint light, but she was able to force a smile despite the heavy burden of guilt she carried.

"I'm really, really sorry K-Kyou... Kyousuke..." His name had never been so hard for her to pronounce. It felt so unnatural to say it that it seemed off to her the way it came out of her mouth. "I know this is partly my fault, but still. I'm very happy you fell in love with me." Her lips were now quivering, proving it difficult to say the last few words. She was now sobbing, her hands now clutched back to his shirt. Inhaling deeply, she buried her face at the crook of her neck, unable to say it to his face even if he was hardly conscious at the moment. She released her hands from their hold and moved around them his body, wrapping him in a hug as she whispered her true feelings.

"I still love you Kyousuke..."

The response to her words was none other than a light snore, which made Kirino chuckle at the irony of the timing. As she broke off, her eyes locked onto his mouth, slightly open as he slept. Her heart beat hard enough to leap out of her chest as she found her face leaning forward slowly to his, their lips closing in and were now mere centimeters away from brushing against each other. Shutting her eyes, she pulled away and fought back with all the self-control she could muster to keep her urges from consuming her. It took a great amount of restraint to stop herself from ravaging him in his vulnerable state, but she succeeded nonetheless, getting off of him and standing by the side of his bed, watching her older brother in his deep, peaceful slumber.

Sighing at the sight, she bid him goodnight before trudging back to her room and sitting on her bed, giving the wall that separated them one last glance before she tucked herself in. Reminiscing the times they were still lovers as a means of consolation she reached underneath her pillow and produced a familiar photo booth strip, a warm feeling washed over her as a smile made its way to her lips. Her eyes went through the pictures repeatedly, burning the image of them into her mind in the process.

They were so close to each other earlier, a little bit more and she would have kissed him. Her cheeks turned rosy red on the idea as she traced the curve of her lower lip with her index finger, the event replaying in her memory. But she knew better than to blindly follow her desires, the consequences that would befall them.

There were limits to life, limits to what she could have and what she could do. As for now, what's important to her is to live her life with him to the fullest. There was no point in worrying, all things will come to an end someday, it is simply inevitable. She will just have to enjoy his company while she still can.

 _'So close, yet so far...'_ It was a phrase Kirino would often tell herself, mostly whenever she would steal glances at him or when she was alone and longed for his presence. But all was not lost.

She knows Kyousuke could- no, _will_ never find anyone to replace her, and the feeling is in fact mutual. He rejected his ex-girlfriend Kuroneko when she tried to reconcile with him. He rejected his Lovely Angel Ayase-tan. He rejected that childhood friend of his, that plain girl with glasses. He turned them all down for her, even if he knew what they had was wrong, something that the world would never accept. She blushed at the thought, a fluffy feeling rising within her chest causing her to giggle lightly and squirm in her bed.

 _'His heart belongs only to me. If I can't have him, then at least no one else can!'_ Those words were the only thing that made their current relationship bearable, and with them she carried on with her life, as they had promised to each other on Christmas Eve.

Feeling her eyelids growing heavy she held the strip closer to her heart, his name echoing in her head as she buried her face in her pillow. She smiled as she awaited for what tomorrow had in store for them, she was sure to make him pay for making her cry.

"Troublesome _aniki..._ " She whispered before she finally fell asleep, "Take responsibility, _baka._ "


End file.
